Begin Again

No one said changing your life would be easy.

When comfortable, we spread our lives into every nook and cranny around us, our limbs like tentacles that not only support but attach.

We do this in relationships; the complexity of our entanglements becomes more apparent as we attempt to unravel them.

We do this in our work space; our chairs indented to fit, our tools worn down after years on the workday rollercoaster, a lifetime’s achievements that fit neatly into an 11" x 17" copy paper box.

We do this in our homes; the many corners and closets we craved when moving in become tombs for memories, keepsakes guarded closely in the webs, more or less forgotten until we move again.

Some say the hardest part of changing your life is the little things.

Like looking at the city you’ve fallen in love with for the final time; the bar and its patrons, the bus and its denizens, the streets and their personality.

Like finally accepting that she isn’t coming back, no matter how real it feels in your dreams, and allowing love to find you again.

Like relearning to say yes to chance opportunities, to leave your comfort in the car while diving head first into the myriad of fortuitous moments, both brilliant and life-changing, that are always awaiting you on the other side of fear.

Some say letting go is the hardest part, but once you learn to release, freedom is no longer difficult, like jumping into Lake Michigan on a moderate August day, enduring the shock that will ensue to enjoy the fun after your body acclimates.

Some say the hardest part of starting over is facing the adversity and judgment while never compromising your pursuit of happiness.

Happiness, like love, is a fabricated description of chemical reactions. There is no medical evaluation to find it, no handbook to achieve it, no purchase to experience it. It is vague and inexplicable.

Although it is the antithesis of sadness, sadness is a far more tangible ordeal. Melancholy devours one’s will, feasting upon confidence and pummeling motivation as it ravages the soul. Happiness is not nearly as physical. It is more the absence of sorrow, the void of pain.

Some say the hardest part is recognizing the sadness and consciously choosing to pursue happiness, squaring your shoulders to the mountain ahead and taking the first crucial steps.

Some say they know the hardest parts. Others say they know what happiness is. Most will tell you they have seen the worst. But no one said changing your life and starting over would be easy.