Just in time for Christmas

I begin with the end. The end of compassion, the end of humanity, the end of loving thy neighbor. Just in time for Christmas.

The ruling came down in Los Angeles that Good Samaritans can be sued if they are deemed even remotely negligent. “If, however, a person elects to come to someone's aid, he or she has a duty to exercise due care”, according to Justice Carlos Moreno. Perhaps Judge Moreno would feel differently if he was left dying in a burning car because his body is slouching a bit to the left (as a result of the car being folded in half) and God forbid the poor fellows standing outside of the wreckage be burdened with financial culpability for not possessing the medical know-how to treat the honorable Judge Moreno with “due care”. In American, on average, there are 250 persons to every doctor. So the chances that the person driving behind is a doctor... well, the chances suck. And this ruling sucks my hairiest nut because now, during our biggest financial woes and the most snow this country has seen pre-Christmas in ages, each person on the road has to think twice before helping one another out of life-threatening circumstances.


Other thoughts for the Holidays and New Year:

• What happens when a person whose family opens gifts Christmas morning marries someone whose family opens gift Christmas Eve night? Soaring divorce rates.

• What’s with women plucking their eyebrows? I can see most other forms of hair removal being useful for sanitary/sexual/aesthetic purposes, but eyebrows are only good for keeping sweat out of your eyes. Is beauty actually achieved by carving out a constant expression of surprise on your face? As far as I’m concerned, it falls under the category of “Unnecessary”, along with gigantic, fake tits, injected lips and stripper nails.

• Mayonnaise is probably not a good lubricant, but I would be willing to try.

• Text messaging is a double-edged sword. It giveth, by helping you send fast, spelled out messages of info, love or warning without the interruption of a phone call. But it also taketh away, by stripping your words to emotionless, empty-toned type that can easily be taken out of context depending on your mood or situation. Basically, fuck text messaging. If it had balls, I would kick those balls through it’s asshole, granted it has an asshole as well.

• On a happier note, if Amazon.com had a vagina, I would thank her gigantic, sexy body for making my long-distance Christmas the easiest, most seamless one yet.

• So, none of the gifts people have sent to me made it in time for Christmas day. The pain, however, has been eased by an ENTIRE DAY OF LAW & ORDER. God bless us, every one.

Take today to enjoy your family, friends and anyone else who let's you enjoy them. Happy holidays and good luck not dying before the New Year.

- Atticus Winston