Debata-balls II: The Screaming Pelican

Live Blogging of the Presidential Debates continues...

My blog would be best understood if you turned to any normal father buying his children McDonald's and ask them how to write about stupid, dancing answers to extremely important questions.

M.I.L.F.: Marginally Informed on Legislative Fundamentals

Palin is playing the ‘McCain cheerleader’ role just right. But FUCK, stop with the cutesy names for the sloths shoveling down a microwave dinner and watching King of Queens instead of the debate. “Joe Sixpack” will still come home October 2nd, 2012, with a paycheck that’s already spent and smack his “Hockey Mom” up and down “Main Street” whether you are elected or not. Darn right?

Yes, Sarah. Don’t answer the questions the way Joe and the moderator want. Just talk straight to the American People...’s “politically involved” hand. We are WORRIED about our financial future, you twit. At least try to participate in the bailout conversation Sen. Biden is already owning you on.

My four-year-old niece knows more about McCain’s Healthcare plan than this person. And she hates it more than peas. Is it me or is Gov. Palin skimping on numbers, specific fact and statistics? They can be matches when in the hands of a child.

I really want to rip on Sen. Biden, but this is just lopsided and cruel. She’s making him sound like a damned genius. But, to keep it in perspective, he is the Governor of Delaware. Delaware has the lowest highest elevation of all the states, and he hasn’t changed this like he promised in ‘06.

Where exactly has Gov. Palin heard the chant “Drill, baby! Drill!”? Doesn’t matter. She used it in the same paragraph as the word “raping”. She’s growing on me...

PALIN HATES GAYS. She just lost the “Hoping for a Palin/Rice sex tape ticket” lesbian vote.

BIDEN HATES GAYS. There. I ripped on him.

She said, “No withdrawal”. She’s no longer the only thing growing on me.

I was watching The Hole on Fox before the debates started. Apparently it was the only one Gov. Palin wasn’t crawling out of tonight.

Did Biden say “Dead Wrong” or “Dead Wong” about McCain? I can’t imagine either applying.

(Due to the lack of a “straight-talking” answer) PALIN SUPPORTS DARFURIAN GENOCIDE.

Mark Cuban brought litigation against Team McCain regarding the overuse of “Mavericks” in their campaign but soon rescinded when he realized his starter’s average age is equal to McCain’s.

Her “connection” as a mother, business owner, kid chauffeur, and fuel company jockey is enough experience to be VP? I can see it. Wait, this isn’t the Juneau Area PTA council vote? Uh oh.

McCain and Palin will fight for America. But not Michigan anymore. Or at least they won’t pay for it there. Come to think of it, McCain hasn’t paid for it since the war.

McCain: “Smell that? You smell that? “
Rove: “What?”
McCain: “Vagg, son. Nothing in the world smells like that. I love the smell of Vietnamese hookers in the morning.”

The real threat to America are these post-debate (NBC) interviewees making ridiculous claims like “Palin was a star” that “killed” by talking “directly to the people”. If Obama is a “rockstar celebrity” like Paris Hilton, and that was a bad thing two months ago, what does that make Palin? My guess is Heather Locklear, only it’ll be America she’s driving erratically while under the influence of power. What these douches fail to point out is that she answered five of the forty questions completely. That’s hot.

This blog is over. Doggonit. Say it ain’t so, Joe.