Debata-balls III: Sen. Obama Emasculates The Microphone

Live Blogging of the Presidential Debates continues...

I don’t like this Town Hall format. McCain looks like he’s gonna punch someone in the front row right in their stupid, liberal piehole! Obama is thrown off by everyone eyeing his “stimulus package”. I realize it’s the Tuesday squad, but it’s awkward that no one has tossed at least a couple dollar bills on the stage.

Where are all of these letters the Senators have written? Does no one on Capital Hill open their mail? It took me a while to get a card snail-mailed from the East to the Midwest, but c’mon people. Send one of those creepy, mouth-breathing bike couriers next time.

GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... the McCain “S” whistles are becoming truly unbearable. It sounds like his uvula is making gay passes at Tom Brokaw.

America, do yourself a favor before quoting anything said tonight: FACT CHECK.

Okay, okay. McCain has a clear record. A “clear”record. That’s spin - like a record, baby! Of course it’s clear, but is it actually backing up his statements? Things that make you go hmmm...

The next debate should feature David Bowie as moderator/Exulted Ruler, giving a thumbs up or down that dictates whether or not the candidate is dipped into a vat of Astroglide that’s being churned by Shakira’s hips.

McCain has done nothing but throw mud and act like a tired, old fart. “Don’t worry. I can do it! I can do it just like I always have. I’m fine, I have a plan. Just shut up and go play outside while I nap.”

The “straight talk express lost a wheel”. Ha! It’d be like electing Martin Lawrence!

I’ve heard the word ‘record’ a lot. Do they mean the two broken records that are these guy’s twirling rhetorics?

Peace-making, peace-keeping. Same thing. Oh, he said “Piece Making”? Yeah, baby! McCain’s Cialis is kickin’ in, and just when he needed it like the commercial says!

McCain, Teddy Roosevelt called. He said, “Shut the fuck up”. The hung up and rolled over.

Damn. Obama face’d him on the Bomb vs. Speak softly thing. The audience smells burn. Brokaw checks his boxers.

Brokaw has no idea how to handle these maverick, celebrity-types. He should attend the Ed Hochuli School of Game Control.

Hey, New Hampshire lady. You what I don’t know? Why anybody in the country fully supports a McCain/Palin ticket, because it scares the shit dribbles out of me. Readers, tell me what you don’t know, preferably in comment form, ‘cause I’m out like Brokaw’s journalistic integrity.