The Weekly Smatter, 10/26

3 Republican arguments that piss me off:

1. Democrats are big spenders.

Because the last Democratic president ended his presidency with a $559 billion surplus which has been drained into the red by our current Republican president? Right, got it. I’m not so much worried about how little McCain/Palin would spend but more about which of his friend’s pockets he’d fill with it. And this pipeline situation isn’t helping.

2. Obama is a closet socialist.

It’s amazing how Republicans have a knack for making their followers feel like wealthy, fanatically hard-working individuals, whether or not they do anything more difficult that your average "Joe". I liken this derangement to the people who work at Cinnabon and have a Coach bag and Dolce sunglasses.

“You ain’t helping no bums with my tax money” they yell from their massive SUV en route to their $500K home. It’s okay that they make a collective $80k a year and the mortgage and fuel cost more that caring for their 2.3 kids. You idiots are losing your house because you bought one well out of your financial range. Why? Because anything smaller would have made you less Republican. And not having kids would’ve been less Catholic. You are what’s wrong with the economy. Considering we have no middle class left, are all these McCain people really standing around defending businesses that make over $250k from getting a little more tax responsibility? If so, notice how a quarter of the crowd’s eyes dart around looking to make sure nobody notices that they aren’t business owners nor are they rich.

Linda Sanchez, a Web developer, said only Mr. McCain appealed to her ethic of personal responsibility. "Anybody who believes they can work hard and better themselves and make life better for their children and their family should like this message," she said. "People who just want to sit back and get a handout, they're going to go with" Mr. Obama.

The claim: Obama would collude with congressional Democrats to hike taxes and spending. I can see how that would swoop every fear-induced McCain supporter into screams of “Down with Socialism”. Ms. Sanchez later went on to talk about how she exploited her friends in time of illness. She doesn’t specify whether she utilized unemployment services from her state, so I will just assume so and consider her a friend-abusing, government-money wasting whore.

3. Democratic, single-party rule in the nation's capital is dangerous.

Yeah, it’s dangerous for Republican relevance. Democratic dominance beginning in 1992 yielded N.A.F.T.A., the Family and Medical Leave Act, some gun-control legislation, and "don't ask, don't tell" among many others. What has been accomplished since 2000? 4,187 dead American soldiers, 30,723 wounded, 1,273,378 dead Iraqis, a greater intolerance of gays, minorities and women, and a $454.8 billion deficit.


Are people really watching this High School Musical crap? Other than rivaling Stars Wars for “Campiest Trilogy” and featuring over-developed teenagers who they can exploit for hormone-based sales, I don’t quite see why this franchise is so successful.


The International Monetary Fund is standing by its managing director, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, despite his sexual affair with a subordinate. Strauss-Kahn described the affair as a “serious error of judgment”. Damn, she must have been fugly to require such harsh words for separation. That’s meaner than a donkey punch and a strawberry shortcake in the same night. His wife said that the affair had been a “one-night stand,” and that the couple had “turned the page.” Which conjures images of Bob Seger donkey punching Enrique Iglesias. Hot.


The OECD released a study Tuesday proving the gap between rich and poor is widening in North America and Europe. Lindsay Lohan’s thighs are relived to have spotlight off of them.


The Economists’ Policy Group for Women’s Issues (don’t ask, they just exist) released letter-grade ratings for the presidential candidates on ten issues “vital to women”. This list did not include their takes on Nivea products nor last week’s episode of The Hills.

We’re tired of hearing about the Joes (as in Six Pack and Plumber) and want more attention to the Joannes — the women in our economy who typically earn less money and shoulder more family responsibilities than men

- blurted committee member Amherst Nancy Folbre while etching ‘I (heart) Obama’ on the back of her notebook with a Sharpie.

Is the outcome of this report (Sen. Obama a ‘B’ and Sen. McCain a ‘D’) really a surprise? As I so sneakily responded in the comments, a Republican’s job is be in charge of all women’s bodies, minds or choices. The Grand Ol’ Party would love nothing more than barefoot, pregnant kitchen-dwellers that dare not naysay the man of the house or even imagine voting. Why would a MAVERICK like McCain even bother changing something as silly as women’s rights? Palin couldn’t be reached for comment, as she was in back sitting silently with ankles covered.