The Hitchhikers Guide to Anal

The Hitchhikers Guide to Anal

In the real world, there are three types of anal sex that people have. Each of these three types are expansive and supersede all other categories (i.e. heterosexual, prostituted, first timers, and even those 'On The Down Low'). We will not include homosexuals because their options are a little more limited, therefore defeating the theory I am presenting. These types are not translated for sex, race or religion. They encompass all peoples worldwide that, at any time of their life, enjoy a little butt play. Most importantly, none of these three divisions describe the action itself. These sectors are based specifically in this thesis: why exactly is this act of sodomy taking place.

My reasons for choosing these particular classes are based on the idea that when people come together it is to enjoy any combination of each other's company, conversation and/or genitalia. But, butt sex is a deed of a different delicacy. Very few people come home regularly and let a partner start pounding their pooper (these people do exist, however, and will be covered under section one). Considering these two points together it is obvious that there is much more to the action of anal than just "sharing" or "enjoying. There are reasons why we chose to forgo the highway and take the dirt road home. It is then, when we look farther than the sex itself, that we can begin to extrapolate the many possible motives for giving up the red sock on any given night.

Provided we all agree that anal sex is a fairly common practice in heterosexual relationships, we also must understand that it is still the subject of ridicule worldwide. This stigma hails from the transition of power that occurs mentally when it is done either forcibly, regardless of the persons sex, or when the recipient is verbally emasculated for bearing what is traditionally a female role (i.e. men penetrate, women get penetrated). These overbearing pressures that religion has placed on all men to 'not be so fucking gay' has paved the way for the small-minded and unadventurous to feel greater than someone else because they would never try something considered illegal, sinful or unnatural. All I ask is that while reading this, please sidestep the knee-jerk reaction to revert back to fifth grade humor and accept what has been done since the beginning of time, when men figured out that it does, in fact, fit in there.

Section 1. "I do it to please me."

Some people just love it. There are only three orifices on a woman (two on a man) that are generally receptive to pleasure from penetration. The oral and vaginal holes have been well documented in today's media and in pubs throughout the world. These ass folks, however, enjoy the satisfaction of a foreign object in their respective bums.

These are partners that know what they want sexually. This is something to be lauded, dear reader. The average person is either afraid of it, discomforted by it, or unable to fathom it. Just like the woman who puts clothes pins on her labia or the guy who slams his cock in the door repeatedly, this gang put aside those fears to try something new and ended up liking it.

Enjoying anal sex is not easy news to break to a new partner. Because of the stigma, it is something better brought about in the throes of passion where it can be disguised as kinky and daring. If in the first night your new partner is already riding your bumper, you can plan on being labeled accordingly.

Section 2. "I do it to please him/her."

Most women are pleasers. They would love nothing more than to give the man of their dreams whatever he would like. If it would fulfill his fantasy or spice up your love life? Sure, you'd take one in the trunk. Some men would even take a finger up the ass during a good blow if it meant making his princess happy. But you won't really like it. In fact, you'll be happy that your rear is facing him so that he can't see the display of anguish painted across your face.

Call them what you will: giving, naive, dedicated, gullible. But it is always much more complex than that and differs from couple to couple. If one person is really pushing for anal, love can sometimes be the lube that brings purple to brown. We must not underestimate the pull that love can provide us. Just by being the object of someone's affection, you have access to everything that they may deem less important that the relationship itself.

Giving is human nature's way of keeping us connected and supported as a species. Just remember that when it comes to somebody knocking the bottom out of you, you may be giving up more than a little pain and blood. You may be giving them unnecessary power.

Section 3. "I have ulterior motives."

As we have just learned, not every one truly enjoys anal sex nor does everybody do it simply for sacrifice. Therefore, the rest of society has been amassed into this category: those who do it for personal gain. Just like all illegal substances (Fourteen American States, Puerto Rico and the military had sodomy laws until the ruling in Lawrence v. Texas) it is a commodity to the connoisseur.

You can simplify this section as people who treat anal sex as a product, not an experience. Perhaps they want to degrade their partner. Maybe they just want to be able to say that they fucked someone in the ass if later asked. They may even be using it as a bargaining chip in the market of love. Concerning all of these alternate uses of anal sex, the one thing that is for sure is that pleasure is not the endgame.

Considering how focused the previous sections were, this remaining faction is considerably more broad and diverse. I have chosen three specific type to address so that you can better understand the general persuasion of section three.

The Hook: Being that anal sex is something not applicable to all intimate exchanges, that extra twist of freakiness and devotion can keep someone around in a relationship that has gone awry. Sometimes, as a last-ditch effort, the brown starfish will be offered up in hopes for a continued partnership.

The Line: "But it would make me feel so good." The whine heard 'round the world. On any given weekend you can hear it soar around the globe, through every time zone, in hundreds of languages, like eager fans at a ball game doing 'the Wave'. This execrable, hapless argument is meant to sway those from section two into surrendering their fudge factory. Sadly, the batting average on this phrase is high and continues to knock them out of the park.

The Sinker: These are the inconsiderate partners who want to experiment but don't have the respect to ask first. This is the guy who, when he falls out of her vagina, purposely attempts to replace it on the opposite side of that thin, skin wall. This is also the girl who sees her partner enjoying the blow job as an indication that he would also enjoy a well-manicured digit jammed up his dry, virginal ass. For some seasoned couples, placing a thumb on the button is an endearing way of reinforcing each other's sexiness. Even in those instances, however, prior discussion and consideration for personal wishes are regarded.

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This concludes my thesis on human behavior and its connection to anal sex. I hope that this piece has helped you better understand exactly who you are and who the people around you may be. Each of these sections not only relates to the bedroom but also to particular personalities. Maybe you'll find more or less compatibility with your partners based on personal booty issues. In the event that you are confused by someone's forwardness, remember that nobody can be truly caring and drop 'the Line' to knuckle your guilt into submission. People definitely show their true colors when it comes to getting something they want.

If you don't care why people do it but would love to know how to blast ass safely and effectively? Check out Sue Johanson's website at www.talksexwithsue.com. She is the most prominent and easy-to-understand sex educator in the world.

Now lube up and hit the entrails!